Gratitude Is Great and All… But So Are Boundaries

It’s that time of year again… your feed is overflowing with “reasons to be grateful,” your cynical aunt is deep into her “30 Days of Gratitude” challenge, and everywhere you turn someone is reminding you to “stay positive.” <Insert eye roll.>

And listen — gratitude is powerful. Research shows it can reduce stress and anxiety, boost serotonin and dopamine, lower cortisol, improve sleep, and strengthen neural pathways over time by training your brain to find the silver lining. It even supports cardiovascular and immune health. This isn’t just “toxic positivity” inspo — it’s neuroscience.

But here’s what doesn’t get said nearly enough:

• You can be grateful and still need space or alone time
• You can appreciate your life and still want more
• You can feel thankful and not want to host family who won’t help and will leave you depleted
• You can love your people and still have limits

Forced gratitude — especially during the holidays — often becomes a quiet form of well-intentioned gaslighting. When gratitude sounds like “don’t complain,” it dismisses your reality. Yes, things could always be worse… and they can still be hard. Gratitude and frustration can absolutely coexist.

And piling shame on top of unmet needs? About as relaxing as your strange uncle’s political opinions at Thanksgiving.

Why Boundaries Aren’t Selfish — They’re Protective

Boundaries have a reputation for being harsh, but they’re actually what keep you from “crashing out,” as the teens say, halfway through the holiday chaos.

Healthy boundaries might sound like:

• “I love you, but I’m not discussing my parenting decisions over dinner.”
• “If you want to see us this year, we’re happy to host at our place.”
• “We’d love to visit, but we can only stay for two hours.”
• “I’ll get back to that email after the holiday.”
• “I can’t host this time, but I’m happy to bring dessert.”

These aren’t walls — they’re protective gates. They don’t replace gratitude; they make room for genuine, grounded gratitude to exist.

How to Practice Gratitude Without Losing Yourself

Here are simple, actually-doable ways to stay grounded this season:

1. Ditch the “shoulds”

Real gratitude never starts with “I should be thankful for…”
Release the guilt. It doesn’t belong here.

2. Practice micro-gratitudes

Think: warm coffee, rare November sunshine in Ohio, kids not fighting (even for 30 minutes). Celebrate the tiny wins.

3. Try a Minimally Viable Holiday

What’s the bare minimum needed to make the season feel good?
Once that’s done, everything else is optional.

4. Reframe Self-Care as Family Care

A regulated you = a regulated home. That’s not theory — it’s neuroscience too.

The Bottom Line

Be grateful, but on your own terms.
Choose peace over people-pleasing.
Protect your energy so you can actually enjoy the season instead of surviving it.

This year (and every year), show gratitude while staying grounded, honest, and connected to the version of yourself you’re becoming.